YULIYA NESTERENKO: “I looked inside myself and found harmony”

Since Belarus gained independence more than 30 years ago, the national sport has had many moments of pride, but one achievement definitely stands out - Yuliya Nesterenko’s gold in women’s 100 meters at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens. Today, 21 August, is the 19-year mark of this international sensation. The athlete dubbed White Lightning finished her career a long time ago and chose a quiet, calm life in Brest over publicity. She remained in the sport, but no longer in the public eye. Today you can see the name Nesterenko among the participants in carp fishing competitions - and this will be exactly the same Yuliya. She is able to catch more than 300 kilograms of fish during one tournament. In an exclusive interview with sport5.by, the celebrated athlete talks about the difficult journey of self-discovery after retiring from sport.

The first question for a person who does not really like the spotlight is simple: what is the Olympic champion doing now? By the way, you are not just a champion, but the author of the biggest sensation in the history of Belarusian sports since the country gained independence!

My life does not differ much from the life of other people: home, family, work. I live an ordinary life. Of course, there is also social pressure. Sport will probably remain part of my life for good. But I began to devote more time to myself, to my inner world. It was very interesting to engage in self-exploration, self-discovery.

Do I understand it right that Yuliya Nesterenko got interested in psychology? Like reading self-help books, attending therapy sessions?

You can call it psychology. But things are much deeper. It is rather about deepest knowledge about myself.

Can I dive deeper into your world today?

(laughs) Sure. During the interview, I think I will tell you everything.

Yuliya Nesterenko on her marks.

Having such a career and achievements under your belt, have you ever thought of doing something else besides training children at the stadium? After all, some Olympic champions and medalists go into politics, or head up federations, and in general they remain in the public eye ...

No, I haven’t. I have never been attracted to managerial work. I did not strive for this and even shied away from it. I don’t want to take on something that I might not be able to handle. It is very important to be where you belong, to do what you can do best. I want to enjoy my work, to be as useful as possible, and to be able to pay my bills. That’s it! That’s enough for me.

Yuliya Nesterenko on the podium

Almost 20 years have passed since that victory. All these years you have acted like an ordinary, modest, even shy person. But for the majority of people who are interested in sports, Nesterenko is not like any other champion. After all, what happened in 2004 will remain in history forever. And therefore, everyone wants to know: do you now live in harmony with yourself, or is there something that disturbs you? Perhaps you are dissatisfied with yourself ... Or unhappy with where you are now?
I have attained maximum harmony. Perhaps I have never been in such a quiet, joyful, blissful place before. My current state of harmony does not depend on any external factors, materialistic things. I should admit that I have reached my current state after overcoming a deep internal crisis. My spirits were at the lowest ebb: I was in a very painful and scary place. There was a period when all my props collapsed and ideals went awry, and I lost purpose in life. I was going through a crisis in my personal, family, social and even religious life. I used to be a very religious person, and I got deeply disappointed in the whole thing. I lost interest in everything in life: I felt like I died for the outside world, or the outside world died for me. And when my life was at its lowest point, I decided to embark on a journey of self-discovery. It is a long way to go. It all happened five years ago, and the internal transformation continues to this day.

The more I learn about myself, the more interesting it gets! I get incredible insights about my experiences and emotions… They are very deep and even mystical in a sense. Those internal questions that I have been asking myself for many years, the search for God in monasteries and convents, books, people ... I found all this in myself! And I got answers to all my questions.

Crises, self-exploration - every person goes through such a period. Our readers who have similar problems might be interested to know where to look for answers to their questions, where to find that harmony. What would you recommend?
We are all looking for happiness, but happiness is inside of us. You need to learn not be distracted by this hustle and bustle. Let outer silence and then inner silence surround you. And in this inner silence you will find that very harmony. But it’s a 24/7 job. You need to be aware of what is happening inside of you: bodily sensations, emotions and, most importantly, thoughts! I stopped fighting with and avoiding obvious things.

After all, most of our problems and internal conflicts come from childhood. And when this comes to the surface, you think: I have lived with this resentment or fear all my life! I believed that the whole world was hostile to me, I psyched myself up to fight, I closed myself off... And now, having the opportunity to go through all these fears again in my adulthood years, I see these things in a different way. But it hurts! It is painful for the body and soul. But this way you get rid of the ‘garbage’ that litters your life.

What are top three things that litter your life?

A restless, very active mind. This mind is hysterical, fearful, fussing, judging all the time, running either into the past or into the future, trying to control everything, etc. This is the source of all problems ... We must learn to identify these games of mind and not be fooled by its tricks. And it is very, very cunning (laughs). We are not the same as our emotions. We need to learn to separate them from us. And to learn to live a self-conscious life. This is different... Self-consciousness is not the same as emotions. And the second thing: stop thinking in black-and-white terms. This dichotomous thinking is thinking in absolutes: it is either good or bad, right or wrong, good or evil, friend or foe, etc. Only when you stop seeing things in extremes, you will discover your true self, your real nature. It took me several years to analyze my destructive feelings. Those were resentment, fear, claim, guilt, irritation, anger, self-hate, rejection, etc. This is the garbage that keeps us from living a good life! But in order to take a deep dive into yourself, you will first need to develop a sincere urge do to so. You need to do this not because it will benefit you, or you simply have to do it or you are just curious about it. You should be sincere and honest with yourself. You will not do without it! And the third thing is courage. After all, when you encounter your dark side, you feel the urge to run away immediately into a safe place ... You don’t want to see this in yourself, recognize and feel it. But you need to have the courage to see this and live through this...

What would you recommend reading to people in crisis? Or maybe they should go to therapy?

It depends on a person ... When I had this deep crisis, I closed myself off, I stayed in the apartment alone. I told my family that I needed to be on my own. And for a while, I was just laying in silence doing nothing. There was no depression, suffering ... I understood that something was happening to me, but I just let it be. I didn’t force myself into anything, I didn’t try to change the situation, I took things easy ...

I only left the apartment to attend to my kids' practice. But I felt empty inside. There was no energy to give to them – I was simply stressed-out. I returned home and withdrew into myself. It went on like that for several months. In that silence I carried on an honest dialogue with myself. What do you want? Who do you want to be with? Where do you want to go? It takes courage and sincerity to answer these questions and achieve harmony. At some point, I started to search for tools to help myself. A desire came to find certain information on the internet, to read, to listen.…
I came to the conclusion that the main thing here was intuition, my own feelings. You listen for five minutes and already understand whether you need this particular advice or not. So I was taking some tips here and some tips there, and further studied my inner world. The main thing is to listen to your heart. Believe me: what a person needs for harmony is somewhere nearby. You just need to be able to look around and see. Everything external (events, places, people) is there to show the part of you that needs to be transformed, that needs to be paid attention to.

I suggest we go back 20 years in time. Did you have any prerequisites to develop a superiority complex? After all, every second person would definitely get it after such a success ...

I cannot say that for sure. I want to believe that I succeeded in going through sick and thin. But it is better to ask the people who surrounded me at work, in sport and at home.

It seems to me that being selfish is even useful for an individual sport. Elbowing your way through is a must, both literally and figuratively... How did you face competition?

Without ego you are unlikely to achieve anything in sport. But here you need to understand what I mean by saying this. You need to strive and achieve. Without ego, there would be no game of life. This system was created by God, after all.

My goal at the moment is to dissolve this ‘ego’ as much as possible in order to return to our true state: to God, to the Source, to the Truth. To return home... To return to freedom… I have experienced some glimpses of this state. They completely change your consciousness. After such experiences, you cannot live the way you used to. It is like a one-way ticket.

Do you have any ambitions left?

There are no such desires as I used to have before: to do something, to change something, to turn the world upside down. Everything is fine in this world, everything is in its place. If you come to your real self, you will see that everything is absolutely harmonious. Everything is here as it should be. I can see what the space brings to me, and I feel, for example, whether I should deal with a particular person or not. It was different before. You still ran no matter whether you should have done it or not....

In everyday life, do you get any small bonuses thanks to your name and merits? Maybe, for example, a taxi driver in Brest does not take money from an Olympic champion or you get treated to some food at the market…

Of course! It has happened before and it is still true today. My husband and I often go to the market. We always get products at a better price when I come to the market together with my husband (laughs). My biggest bonus, however, is a very respectful, very warm attitude to me. I try to be reciprocal to Brest residents as much as possible. I am open to any person, regardless of his or her status: be it a person of high post or a casual companion in a compartment.

There is an opinion that back then, in Athens, you showed the limit of your possibilities. But even after the Olympic gold you won medals at the world and European championships. Did you have any results repeating or exceeding 10.92 during your training period?

I will say that I was ready to show even better results in Athens, if there had been only one race there. But there were four of them, and I saved energy, as I knew that the main race was ahead of me. Of course, after the Olympics I could show my good form at other competitions, but I got into hospital.… And everything changed.

Your peak form and the pinnacle in your sporting career were in 2004, weren’t they?

Yes, definitely. The stars aligned then.

Today you talked about a long search for yourself.… If we take your sporting career: were there any serious mistakes and what were they? Maybe, some forcing was unjustified, and that is why your body couldn't stand it…

There is no such thing as a mistake-free life (sighs). But now I look at the past differently. I couldn't act differently back then. If I did a mistake, I did it sincerely. I always followed my heart when making decisions. And if I had a chance to turn back time, I wouldn't change a thing. Everything had to happen the way it was supposed to. Today I distance myself as much as possible from categorical assessments of, let us say, what is good and what is definitely bad.…

Do you look at the athlete training system differently today?

Yes, for sure. There were mistakes in sport, the same as in life. But back then I really wanted to win and loaded myself a lot. I thought that the more I trained, the better. That is not true! I pushed myself so hard that my body could not recover properly. As a result I got injuries, back pain... I have two prolapsed discs. They kept me from showing good results. Failures caused psychological problems. There was a lot of public attention, too! This all combined led to a prolonged depression. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue and overexercising.

Just to see the whole picture tell us please what weights the fragile Yuliya Nesterenko carried to do squats, jumps, and bench presses?

Squats were done with the maximum of 130kg. Warm-ups began with 80kg. I did 90kg bench presses. I do not think that was necessary either. I overtrained my shoulder girdle: I became stiff, and broke my easy fast running pace. I used to practice running with a 10kg weight. I did 30-meter lunges with 30-40kg on my shoulders. In short, there was a lot of strength work.

With this 10.92 in Athens you did an incredible thing - you actually united the whole country. We do not get many reasons to take pride in our national becoming the best of the best! After all, sprint is a distance that is run by all people, starting from school age. Accordingly, this distance has a special prestige. Your Olympic gold still looks so incredible that it seems, if we philosophize for a while, that that race became a certain mission in life. Do you agree with me?

You are talking these things, and I get tears in my eyes... Yeah, perhaps it is some kind of a mission. I think, however, that that 100m race in Athens was just a preparation for the real thing. Or should I say, a role. A mission still sounds a little bit pompous. I think our roles in life are predetermined. The ‘movie’ has been filmed, and we just have to live it. I know my role – I have seen it since my childhood. Including the Olympic Games. Perhaps my role is to unite, to convey something to people, to instill faith in oneself. This is true about children in the first place.
Athens was just a rehearsal. I was supposed to strengthen my spirit there, which is extremely important. There was a period of plenty of social life for me after winning that gold. I did not belong to myself then. I gave and did not ask for anything in return. I viewed that period as small lessons of love. I went where I was invited to. I was happy that I could bring joy to someone, be it a child, a teacher, or a combine harvester... I attended a lot of events and I interacted with a lot of people!

Then I had my church journey. For about ten years. Love of God, worship of God, service to God, praise for Him. That also nourished me, prepared me for a deeper role.....

Finally, a crisis. An inner transformation. You have to live through it yourself, feel it. You cannot read about it in books. Now I know what happens to a person when he or she is completely crushed. When he or she is dead as a person. And you need to find and build another world inside yourself, pure and harmonious. Short-term pleasures won't save you. They are always followed by suffering. Always!

All of my experiences now bring me to my main and most important role. When I am invited somewhere, I enjoy seeing joyful faces of a large group of people. I thank God for the opportunity to be among them and give away my energy. And get gratitude back from them in the course of live interaction.



You're shying away from the old publicity?

But you insisted on this interview! (laughs) You insisted. Good: I'll talk. But I will only say what I feel, what I know. I'd like to note: I acquired this knowledge by living my life. It is real.

We are really getting an interview that is unconventional for sport. I confess that I am now praising myself for my three-month persistence....

Let's continue. If you say that our roles in life are predetermined, if you talk about fatalism, then what's next in life for you?

This world is total. I see my role, but I don't want to say anything from my mind right now. I will only repeat that a person is as happy as possible when he or she gives away... It does not matter what. Everything a person does for others, they do it for themselves. Literally. People just do not know and do not realize the depth of these words.

Once upon a time, back in your old social networks, I saw pictures from a fishing trip. Do you know your way around feeders, lures, bait? Or do you just take pictures with trophies?

Those pictures are long gone on social media. I have an empty page there now. It is used only as a pointer to another picture painted by a friend of mine. I don't talk about myself anywhere else, I haven't posted anything for two years. There is no need for social networks.

And fishing is a part of life. Since my husband is a fisherman, I have to know things like lures. I know that, for example, tench and crucian carp like marzipan... Carp prefer sweet or fishy smells (laughs). We are a family tandem. Exactly a month ago we took part in a large tournament Bulbash: some of the best carp fishers gather there. So we came in 3rd!

Wow! The next question I wanted to ask was whether this girl is not squeamish about putting worms on the hook.... But it is probably unnecessary to ask the bronze medalist of the carp fishing tournament…

You were right to ask! Anything but that! I am not afraid of a two-day downpour, I can tolerate some time without a shower, I can bear the cold and heat... But I can't bait a maggot or a worm (laughs).

You coached football players for a long time, taught them athletics. Big and small players. Taught them how to run properly. As a person from the outside, can you say what is going wrong in our football? What needs to change?

I'd love to share. I have come across the fact that our children's football simply has no technique for running. Many coaches say to me, "There is football running, and there is track and field running." No! Running is still running. When I watch the Champions League or the World Cup, I see sprinters there! Cool, powerful running.

It's not the kids' fault at all that they move like that. They just haven't been taught. They run either on their heels or do not help themselves with their hands at all. It has long been known: the movement of the legs depends on the movement of the hands. It's basic biomechanics! If the hands do not work, then the hips will not rise. As if the legs were tied together.

We taught them how to run. It's not hard. Children can be trained. After six months the changes are striking - even the naked eye can see our work. Boys with short steps open up, they understand how to do things correctly.
But it's harder with adults. Their bodies are already formed. At the invitation of the coach Aleksandr Sednev, I once held a few training sessions at Rukh - I gave them absolutely basic exercises. And I was surprised at how uncoordinated the players were! They were laughing at themselves, how absurdly they did everything. Take the ball away from them and they are just wooden "Pinocchios". Some of them have no natural movements…

I'm not mocking them. I would just like to appeal to coaches: it is very important to teach children how to run properly. Another problem is insufficient mobility and elasticity of the joints. I am talking about a reserve of endurance for the entire career, an actual prevention of injuries.

Our football coaches focus on the game at their core. They know how to stop the ball and give a diagonal pass..... It turns out that teams need a physical fitness coach already at a young age?

You need a physical trainer, of course. And I also advise you to invite an athletics specialist. After all, the specialist will lay the foundation! Because we have had cases when a graduate of the football academy was taught how to jump from rest! He didn't know how! Children who go in for athletics are much more physically developed. Believe me, even an ordinary master of sports will help a football team.

And, by the way, workouts in the gym also raised questions. Guys lift weights incorrectly: all the nuances should be explained to them at an early stage to avoid injuries.

Footballers will read our interview and will want to invite the Olympic champion…

I am happy to respond to such requests. But I like to communicate and study only with people who want to and understand that they really need it. I don't want to impose myself.

And are there many people who are interested?

Unfortunately, no.

What's your day job now?

I work as the head coach of the sports team of the border service. I am responsible not only for sport results, but also for discipline and educational work. I try to help as much as possible with organizing the training process.

After you finish your career, you probably spend more time at home. If you go fishing with your husband, someone has to scale a fish first, and then cook it…

I'll tell you right away - I don't scale fish. Dima is a fisherman, he does the scaling. I do the rest. That's how it has been since the first day of our life together.




After sport have your eating habits and behavior changed in your ordinary life? There used to be a lot of restrictions…

Yeah, when I was an active athlete, I was totally immersed in sports. Family, husband, cooking… Everything took a back seat. But over time, I became an ordinary woman. Last year for the first time I tinned cucumbers and tomatoes... My husband liked it. He says that next winter it would be nice to make twice as much pickles…

In general, I do the usual household chores: cleaning, cooking, gardening. And I enjoy it and life in general.

WATCH A TV INTERVIEW WITH YULIA NESTERENKO AT 21:55 ON 22 AUGUST IN THE PROGRAM SPORT-FRAME ON THE TV CHANNEL BELARUS 5 AND ON OUR WEBSITE.